I fell in love with love like a lot of us do. We fall in love with a dream, a paradigm, an illusion, a delusion that is a way of escaping our pain. The pain of being alone and of wanting to feel love so we would  feel the connectedness.   We crave it like an addict needing a fix. We need to feel this powerful thing called love. We read about it, we obsess about it, and cannot get enough of what we think is real. We base our lives on trying to find our soulmate, our love mate, our perfect partner, and in doing so we keep it alive.

We buy into the dream, and it is reinforced by everything that surrounds us. We are surrounded by romance novels and people who write about it. Our cultures and societies and religions also have a role in making us feel that this is what life is all about. The never ending quest to find a partner is like our main goal in life.

In the end many of us remain alone and disappointed that we did not find that perfect partner. We feel defective, unlovable, depressed and unable to function and have a more normal life. We go crazy running around joining internet dating sites. We try and attend every social event possible in the hope of connecting with someone.

The problem is that our parents in trying to encourage us in life made us buy into what most people buy into, the dream, the belief, the eternal Prince Charming and Cinderella syndrome.

The greatest truth is that there is NO such a thing or person and by buying into it, we set ourselves up for disappointment.  We can meet someone and find them attractive but that is just an attraction. The true connection in life lies in finding ourselves as men and women. Getting in touch with who and what we are and our place in the universe. That is a tall order. Sometimes it takes a lifetime and many times we do not find it at all.  There are a lot of disillusioned people out there still trying to find that paradigm.  Personally, I was like everyone else. Expecting the impossible dream, believing the love songs were real. Reading romance novels like an addict and expecting Prince Charming around every corner. Boy oh boy was I dreaming, seriously. It has taken me decades to realize it is simply a paradigm. It is not real. Sorry, I am not being negative, I am a realist.

Relationships and I am talking romantic and marriage relationships are at a crossroads of change and most marriages in many societies are not enduring the test of time. They simply are doomed as long as we buy into a dream paradigm.  It is wonderful to consider the possibility, but we enter into relationships with unrealistic expectations.  Do we truly know and understand what it is to be a man or woman and be a life partner with someone?  For most, we have no idea. Many of us get together with someone when we are young and are completely not in touch with our true essence. Bringing children into the mix, because birth control does not work 100% of the time, let us also be honest about that, adds to the stress on a relationship. As well, we change as we grow up. We are not the same people we started out in the relationship. So today in 2019 we find the stats are showing us that relationships are breaking up at epidemic proportions and I think if more people could get past their economic situation there would be many more.

How do we as societies of largely single people all ages, survive with the cost of living these days, especially in developed countries?  Being single in North America if you are not able to work, are too old to work or find work, or are retired is really difficult for many who had not planned on being alone. Many people choose to stay in relationships for economic reasons and make the best of it.  Many more choose to get out and not feel like they are trapped.

It is up to all of us to make a decision that makes us happiest. In the end, I might not have all the material things, but frankly I am done with buying into that world. I don’t want a large home and fancy 1st class anything, I live a simple life, but alone or not I am happy. I have gotten past the absolute need to find someone. I have finally found myself and I do not feel as if I am half of a person. I am a whole being on my own. For most of my life I was pressured to feel like I am not whole as a single. I was put down by others who gave me a bad time. I had people say to my face there must be something wrong with me if I am alone.  The truth is I am fine, thank you. Sure I would like to share my life, but the reality is that I have not found anyone and I am fine. I am feeling very free and whole as just me.

For me, as for many, I just want to connect with likeminded people at multiple levels. I enjoy a good intellectual conversation, one that involves a lot of information and questions to ponder and discuss. I love that I have connected through my spiritual life with the planet and universe and I feel quite different from even a decade ago. I do not buy into ageism. I think it is ridiculous to classify people. That is a judgment.  I am not a clone; I am a unique whole individual who appreciates every day. I encourage everyone who is seeking someone to share their life with, to truly get in touch with who you are. To get out and live your life doing the things that interests you the most. Do not put off those places you have dreamed of seeing. Go out and live, do not exist in belief boxes that keep you from living, and mostly learn to love yourself.  That is the most important lesson in life.

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